She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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