if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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