If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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