you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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