Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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