bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
