Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
