I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
