Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
