I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
