there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
