Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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