we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
