we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
