I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
