just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
