Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
