Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
try to milk me bitch
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