Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
