stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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