walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
