I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
