I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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