I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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