you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
