it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
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My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
