So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize