if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
where does the pee come out of this thing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
