Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
