So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
