You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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