Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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