I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
