New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
