hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize