genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
