i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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