So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
