I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
