A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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