Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
