I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
