I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
