i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
