Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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