i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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