i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it hurts more in the daytime
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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