Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
