can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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