I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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