u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
