Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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