I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
