a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
