im drinking this country out of the recession.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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