It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
