Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
