I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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