I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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